☆ ☆ S O U L R I C H ☆ ☆

S O U L R I C H : “Lots of people get a billion dollars and they’re not wealthy, because wealth is emotion, it’s psychology, it’s spirit, it’s soul,”

I’ll never forget the day that I realized what I thought was the biggest disaster I could have gotten myself into, was actually my biggest blessing. I was sitting pregnant and alone in my childhood bedroom, crying, trying to mentally prepare myself for the verbal and emotional beating I was about to endure.

For those of you that don’t know me very well, it wasn’t until after I had Ripley that I became open and vulnerable with my emotions. I was stone cold, angry, with a side of laughing at everything and smiling at everyone I walked by. I was a walking contradiction basically, and in my head I always knew I was. 

I wasn’t aware of this either at the time, but I was suppressing enough emotions to erupt a volcano … {{and to be fair there was quite a large eruption, but that’s a story for a different time.}}

It was March 2018. It had been a week since spring break ended, and two weeks since I had left the pregnancy clinic in Tuscaloosa. I was content at home, which is very surprising- even surprising to me as I write this out now. I never was content at home, always felt so trapped and in need of something more … however this time was so different. I didn’t care to go back to school. I was done with it, over it, and that was a bit frightening because I’m a nerd and love school, I loved my friends, I loved the town, but uhhh I was happy to escape everything else and start over pretty much. Ripley was my escape and reason to start over.

Before I had left school I was forcing myself to be as busy as possible to avoid all the emotions I was not ready to deal with, and I morphed into some zombie shell of myself just going through the motions. Literally all the life left in me had been sucked out by the people I was around, and the things I had once loved. I had blinders on to everything and because of that I completely fucked myself. I have never ever been one to care about what people say or think about me, and at the time I gave zero shits, but months later when my emotional volcano erupted everything tore me down at once until I was a puddle of useless potential and motivation for life.

So let me explain a little …


It was November 2017 … halfway through junior year …

That’s when everything started getting sour. Most everyone knows that while I was at alabama I was in a sorority … lol and quite frankly I should have trusted my gut and never let myself go through recruitment freshman year. However, I would suggest everyone give greek life a try, or something similar, because I met all my best friends and learned more through sorority related situations than I did in any of my classes. … anyways I digress …

I really think this winter was when I started feeling burnt out but I never allowed myself to realize that because my entire life I had always been a go, go, go type of person so slowing down and taking a break never E V E R crossed my mind. Winter break comes and goes and I find myself having more responsibility and dumb shit to deal with than I ever expected or wanted. To paint a picture for y’all — I would rather give birth to 6 babies at once than be president of a sorority ever again, which obviously I never will be, but if given the option I suggest everyone pick the 6 babies (: This sounds so harsh but it gets better I swear, I learned the best lesson of my life from this experience.

shit hit the fucking fan

at about the beginning of February. I was already to the point where life just was not fun for me anymore. This is when the burn out truly began, and I had NOOO idea. I allowed myself to be consumed with negativity. Plus, at the same time I was having to go back and forth from Tuscaloosa to home all the time to see doctors to try and figure out all the random things that were happening to me. I was so drained and overworked, but me, being the idiot who tries to solve all the world’s problems alone, didn’t even think about asking for help or taking a step back to reevaluate everything.

I’m not going to go into details about all of that, because honestly it doesn’t matter at all … seriously at all. Lets just say February & March 2018 chewed me up and spit me out onto a wall of thorns. I have never cared what people thought of me, or what people said about me, and at the time everything was going on I didn’t either. Or so I thought …

For heaven’s sake people were disgustingly nasty

Nasty to a point where I couldn’t even be mad because I felt so sorry for them. That they thought saying all that bullshit would make them feel better … which I have no idea how it would, but to each their own. There were people that were bandwagon shit talkers making up the most random shit lies just to pile on the hate towards me, and when I sat back at home reading all of it I just laughed. Honest to God it made me bust out laughing. I was like ok here I am being bullied I guess you could say and I think i’m happier than all y’all assholes writing this nasty shit about me! How could I have been upset at that, clearly they had their own issues to sort out and were taking it out on me, I didn’t let it get to me. To be fair, the words themselves never hurt me, I don’t give two shits what people say about me, what got me a few months down the road was the sense of failure that slowly crept into my mind over a few months.

GRATEFUL FOR MY STRUGGLES

https://themayfairgroupllc.com/


ROMANS 8:18 — “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are n o t worthy to be compared with the g l o r y which shall be revealed in us.”

This bible verse was running through my head 24/7 during this time period, and little did I know how much meaning it would have in my life just a few months later.

I’ll never forget the moment I realized why this bible verse had been so prevalent, why I kept seeing it everywhere, I am beyond thankful for this tiny glimmer of sanity that eased my mind at such a crazy time in my life.


WHY DID I JUST RAMBLE ON ABOUT THE DARKEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE … ?

I swear there is a connection hahah !!

Have y’all ever heard of the term SOUL RICH?? I hadn’t until I was walking around the neighborhood with Ripley, listening to a podcast, and all of a sudden I heard those two words and had to rewind. I am not sure why it stuck out so much to me, but I love that it did!

S O U L R I C H : “Lots of people get a billion dollars and they’re not wealthy, because wealth is emotion, it’s psychology, it’s spirit, it’s soul,” – TONY ROBBINS

I absolutely love the idea of being soul rich. Becoming a mother is what made me soul rich. It was all thanks to that little joyful surprise that I found out about when I least expected it and possibly one of the worst times for me to become a mother.


After having Ripley I realized the importance of everything I endured back at school. Why? It was so I could fully become s o u l r i c h, and I would say that I am?! I live my life now with much more ease, much more joy, peace, happiness, & purpose. Ripley changed me for the better, he was exactly what I needed to ensure I took the right path in life. That I stopped to smell the roses once a while. That I realize what I was allowing myself to suffer through would end up mattering so little 10 years down the road. That what mattered were the friends, my family, the memories, the experiences, the life I was forgetting to live! THAT’S WHAT MATTERED! Ripley, so young but so insightful …

He gave me my life back, he resparked the fire that had left me. That had been forced to stop burning if we’re being honest.


I look back at those months and am so thankful. Thankful for the pain because I honestly don’t think I’ll ever have to suffer through too much worse {knock on wood}. Those bitchy people really lifted me up when they were trying to bring me down, so I truly am thankful to them for that. It was humbling and grounding.

I still don’t have everything figured out… HAHA if you knew how I was on a daily basis you would see I am in shambles the majority of the time. But i’d rather be in shambles than willingly putting myself in situations that defeat me and make me forget who I am.


I made this blog to share who I am and what life looks like for me during this season of life; and when I started writing this post it was supposed to be for my ~mom category~, which literally made start laughing a little because tbh … I’m still figuring this whole mom thing out!! Yes, I’ve been a mom for almost two years now but I would be lying if I said I didn’t still deal with the struggles that come with raising a tiny human!

I am reading back everything that I wrote in this post and am not exactly sure if it has any purpose, but if it does I am so glad! I hope someone finds peace within the words.

If I do one day figure out how to master raising this little guy I will be sure to share all the secrets with y’all, but for now I am still quite the mess. And that’s ok because Ripley brings me more joy than I ever thought possible. He is exactly what I needed at that time. It is crazy to think that having a baby is what made me slow down and really appreciate all that was around me, but oddly enough it did. It is almost like Ripley and I get to grow up together and figure it out side by side, everything I discover about the tiny joys in life he will discover right there next to me. Man do I love that crazy kid.

☄︎ Blasting off,

T ∾ SPACEYCOWBOY ✰✰

You can find my post all about burn out H E R E

&& if you want to read more into my pregnancy + life with Ripley ✌︎ you can find them✐ H E R E && ✐ H E R E

BABY, LIFE

☆ ☆ S O U L R I C H ☆ ☆

AUTHOR

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